I was recently having a conversation with my husband about something I had to do but wasn't exactly excited about doing.         I had made a commitment but was beginning to feel like I was being taken advantage of and wasn't happy about it.      My husband agreed with my viewpoint but also stated "most people would probably just do it and not complain" to which I responded "yes - but I know my value and I'm worth more than that".

Did you hear those words?    Let me repeat them.

I KNOW MY VALUE AND I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT.

Too many times in life we limit ourselves because we think what we have is not special or valuable.    The opposite could not be more true!    Each one of us was created with unique and outstanding abilities - it is up to us to discover those abilities and use them!

And our abilities and talents may not look like anyone else's but they are still ours to claim!    For example, I am a BEAST at 80's Trivia!!    Not exactly a career path but still a talent I can claim for my own!

The world today will tell you that you are nothing if you don't act a certain way, dress a certain way, or speak a certain way.    But GOD sees it differently.     He sees your value.     He sees your worth.    And you ARE WORTHY!!

Remember when you were a little kid and you had so many hopes and dreams?   Nothing seemed impossible to you then.     You were ready to conquer the world.

What changed?     Who told you that you couldn't do it?     When did your VALUE diminish?

You are still the same valuable person whom God created in His image.     That will never change.    What HAS changed is our perception of ourselves.      We have allowed the world around us to dictate who we are and what we can become.     We have lost our value.    Our self worth.

Stop listening to the people who tell you that you CAN"T do it.    Whatever your dream.   Whatever your goals.       Start your plan and do it!

KNOW YOUR VALUE.      YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!



  

The year of 2018 has started with a host of horrible tragedies within our schools that have garnered attention from both sides of the aisle concerning gun control and the safety of our children.

​While I will not debate gun control here,  I will argue that our biggest issue right now is a parenting issue - or more simply - a LACK of parenting issue.     

​Being a parent is the most difficult job on the planet yet it does not require an education nor previous work experience.     There is no handbook for being a parent.        No penalty for missing days.    These precious babies are placed into our care but for a brief few years and if we are lucky enough - we get to see them become strong, successful, independent adults.

​The job of parenthood isn't an easy one and the task should not be undertaken lightly.      It is certainly not a job for the faint of heart.    You will have rough days.    You will argue with your children.    You will become frustrated and maybe a little lost.   

And your children may hate you for a while - if you are lucky.      

​They may hate you because you give them a curfew.

​They may hate you because you limit their video games and introduce them to the great outdoors.

​They may hate you because you ask for names and phone numbers of friends and places they are going.

​They may hate you because you talk to their teachers or even (gasp) chaperone their school dances.

​They may even hate you because you encourage them to put down their social media and actually become social.

​But hear me on this one.     They may hate you for the moment but they will thank you later for saving their lives.

​You see, children's brains are still developing even as a Pre-Teen and Teenager and what they need is a role model - NOT a friend.     You will have plenty of time to be a friend to your children when they are adults.     What they need now is a parent.

​And not a parent who coddles them or entitles them.     They need a parent who allows them to lose so they can learn the value of failure in future successes.       They need a parent who teaches them proper work ethic so our future economic state is secure.    But most importantly - they need a parent who is not afraid to be vulnerable and who can show them they are loved unconditionally.

​When I see stories on the news of these teenage boys committing these monstrous acts, my heart breaks.       My heart breaks for those parents whose children were taken in such a senseless act of cowardice.        Those students did nothing but show up that day and lost their lives because of it.

​But as I continue to read the stories, I begin to ask more questions and find fewer answers.   Where were the parents of these young men who committed these crimes?    What was so bad in their home that they felt this was the only answer?       Were there any signs?    Why were these young men not receiving the emotional support they needed to thrive?    What is the missing link?

​Now I don't know the family life of any of these shooters so I will not comment on them individually.  But what I will say is that I am seeing a total break down of our young people and I personally believe it stems from lack of parenting.   

​Ethics and morals have become an after thought instead of the norm.      Teachers have lost control in their classroom.     Respect has become a four letter word.    

​This young generation is lost and it's up to us to find them.      Children need rules.    Children need discipline.     But beyond that, children need our unconditional love.    They need to know we are present - whether physically or not - and they need to know someone has their back.

​If we do not gain control of our children, who will?    We must start taking our job as parents seriously and stop allowing the electronic devices to be their baby sitters.      Create boundaries for them.   Let them fail on their own.   Let them succeed on their own.    Find out who their friends are and where they are going.    Be present in their lives.       It's okay if they hate you - for just a little while.

And love them.     Let them know they matter.     I am not saying that simply loving these young men who committed these crimes would have made a difference - evil does exist in this world.    But be the parent who makes a difference in your own child's life.      

​When we choose to become parents again - only then will we save our children.        

​

They say change is the spice of life.      It is inevitable.     One thing you can ALWAYS be certain is that nothing will ever stay the same.      Change is good.     It makes us grow as human beings and can bring the greatest challenges but also the greatest rewards.

​And it scares me to death.

​Yes.     I am afraid of change.      Which is actually funny if you think about it because I am constantly changing my job, my appearance and even my residence (moved 20 times in almost 30 years).   

​2017 was a year of change - to say the least.     It started with the death of my grandmother in February - a woman I treasured and a woman who understood me at my core.    She was 93 years old when she passed away and lived a wonderful life.     Her death was not unexpected but still heartbreaking just the same.        She lived over 8 hours away but we spoke several times a month and I was able to visit often during the last few years of her life.      I will write about this wonderful woman and her impact on my life in another blog because right now - we need to get back to discussing change (ugh).

​In June my oldest child and only daughter got married.     The wedding was perfect and she made the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.     I was honored when she asked both me and her father to walk her down the aisle.      I spent most of the first half of 2017 helping to plan the wedding and then it was over in the blink of an eye.    And they were on their way to Hawaii for their Honeymoon.

​The last half of 2017 brought an adjustment period for me.    Even though my daughter had been living away from home for several years,  it just felt different now that she no longer shared my last name.    She still needed me but not in the same way.     She and her new husband are simply perfect together and their ambitions make a mamma proud.     

Then -in the middle of this life adjustment, we decided to get our house ready to sell and downsize.   Now considering that we have literally moved 20 times in our almost 30 years of marriage, you would think this move would not affect me.     You would be wrong.      

​Perhaps it is the uncertainty of where we will be moving or for that matter, what we are even moving into (yes, we have tossed around the idea of an RV) but this change too is having an affect on my psyche.   Oh, I am excited to sell the house and downsize because, well, you know, less housework but I would be happier to know exactly where we were going and what we are doing.

​But maybe that is the point.       Maybe my incessant need to know everything that is going on in my life at all times (and Control it) is the very reason I need these changes.        I have always been a bit of a free spirit which is funny since, as we have learned - I don't like change.

​There were several days (possibly weeks) during the fall of last year that I just didn't feel like I was adjusting to this thing called life.       My kids were growing up.     I wasn't needed the way I used to be and the one woman I could call on for love and support had gone to be with Jesus.       I must admit that I spent more than a few days feeling quite isolated and alone.      Even though I knew I wasn't.

​Now as 2018 is upon us, the changes are still coming strong!    My daughter and her husband have moved to St Louis to pursue their careers;   I moved to a new Real Estate office and our house is going on the market next month.         All this change and it's only January!

​I guess my point to all this rambling is this - change is imminent but it doesn't have to be scary.     There will always be new challenges to face and new hurdles to jump over but isn't that the best part about living anyway?

​I am just going to finally embrace that free spirited Gypsy who can't stay in one place for too long and say to life:    HERE I AM!     BRING IT ON!!

​    

          

Recently, my husband and I celebrated our 29th Wedding Anniversary.      We dated for 4 years prior to getting married so we have been in each other's lives for 33 years!    That's a long time.    Especially by today's standards.

​My husband and I are soul mates.    We have known that since the day we met.    We are complete opposites but together we make the perfect person.       We have had our growing pains over the years but even during the darkest times, we always knew we would be there for each other.    We are in it for the long haul.

​People sometimes act surprised when I tell them I have been married for 29 years like that is worthy of a prize or something.     They ask "what's your secret"?      There is no secret.      I love my husband.   He loves me.     We understand there will be tough times but we made a promise before God to whether the storms together.

​Our marriage isn't perfect but it's perfect to me.      We have our little fights.    We aggravate each other.   But at the end of the day, we know we love each other and everything will work out.      My husband is my biggest fan.

So as I was pondering the marriage question (29 years? Wow?), I started thinking about a recent trip my husband and I had taken to St. Louis.
   
Foreigner and Cheap Trick were playing at an outdoor amphitheater in St. Louis and being children of the 80's  - it was the perfect time for an overnight getaway to celebrate our anniversary.

​This is us - ready for the show to start:

Awe - don't we look happy?    And we were happy.   We had just had a wonderful meal at Dave & Buster's (don't laugh - their Teriyaki steak is amazing) and the rain had stopped just in time for the concert.      We ended up having a wonderful time and the concert was phenomenal!  

​BUT -  this photo almost didn't happen.   Because this entire trip almost didn't happen.     

​You see, my husband and I work together (self-employed) and have for the past 22 years as owners of a construction company.         Most of the time our business relationship works but this one particular time - it didn't.    And it was all because of me.

​We have a few homes that we are renovating for resale and as a Real Estate Agent, I know the dates that are prime to list a home on the market.       My husband and son had been working very hard for many weeks to try to get this one particular home on the market by MY specified date but things just weren't working out that way.      As with any project, there are always delays out of your control that you just must deal with and readjust.    But I am OCD and I had MY DATE to list it so let's just say normal reasoning was not in my brain during this time.

​My husband and son and their crew had been working as hard as they could to get this house ready but it just wasn't happening.       Reality - they had only been working on this house for 3 weeks and had worked long and hard days so I should have been thankful that at this time, it was even close to being ready to sell (SHOULD HAVE being the key words here).

​Was I thankful?     Was I patient?      Not even close.      In fact I was so stuck on the date in my mind to list this house that I became - well - somewhat of a B.      If I am being honest (and I always am), I was downright MEAN to my husband and pretty much anyone in my family who was associated with this house.    

​For two days prior to this picture being taken, I fought with my husband - incessantly.     And if I wasn't fighting with him, I just simply wasn't talking to him.      I told him there was NO WAY we were going to the concert because I wasn't going to pretend to be happy when in fact I wasn't (like, seriously, what the heck??)

​Poor guy had absolutely no idea what was going on and probably - for a few moments anyway - questioned his own sanity for even marrying me.         He thought our relationship was fine - we just couldn't get a house done on schedule (MY schedule, by the way).

​But me being me (drama queen) - our entire 29 year marriage was now completely over because we could not get this house done on time and I was upset because he didn't understand how important (MY) timelines were to me.       Because somehow in my pea little brain, my husband not honoring my timeline to get a house done meant he didn't love me.       It was bad, ya'all.        It hurts to even write this but the truth is always the truth.     

​We were supposed to leave on a Wednesday afternoon but by that morning the house still wasn't done so I told my husband we were NOT going to the concert.      We had been arguing for 3 days and I hadn't talked to him for 1 whole day so how could we just drop everything and go "celebrate" this marriage?

​But then I heard that Still Small Voice  - God's amazing voice of reason started to penetrate through to my very soul.      Now I believe that God has a great sense of humor and I also believe He is very real in how He treats people because the word I kept hearing in my soul was "REALLY?"      "REALLY, TERRI, REALLY"?

​No other words.      Just a gentle jolt back to reality.     So I stepped back - and I shook my head in disbelief.      What in the world was I thinking?     How could I have been so zoned into this one little thing that I allowed it to affect my entire life?        Once I snapped back to a (sort of) normal person, I realized how absolutely stupid I had been and I called my husband.

​Now, at this point, I don't think I actually apologized for my behavior (baby steps) but I did tell him the house would get done later and we needed to take our anniversary trip because we both needed a break.

​And so we did.      We packed a little bag and headed to St Louis for our OUTDOOR concert - and it rained!   Of course it did.        My life had been nothing but rain for the past week so it was quite fitting to have it rain on the ONE TIME I decided to do something right.  

​But guess what?     The rain ended - and God gave us this:

​
​

God brought us a rainbow.     And not ONE - but TWO!     If you look closely, you will see the double rainbow!     

​And that got me thinking - there will always be rain in our lives.     There will always be times when things don't go as planned.     But - if we endure and hold fast - the rainbow will come.     

​​Life is not about being perfect.      Most days we do well just to survive.      But if we can stand strong during the storm, the rainbow will come.

​So I guess that is my advice for anyone asking about the "secret" to a long and happy marriage.    Just love one another.       Stand strong together.     Have patience with one another.     And endure any storms - together.      

​Sometimes the rain will come - but then God will bring the rainbow!

​

​

I love to travel.     I always have.      Just the thought of a "road trip" can get my heart racing and immediately throw me into planning mode.       Trips for me are all about finding my oasis and getting away from the chaos  that is often life.       They are my balancer.     My "mental stabilizer" that keeps life in check.

I have never given much thought to the trips that I take until recently when a colleague mentioned that I took "a lot of vacations".     I was a little surprised by the comment mainly because I didn't think anyone paid much attention to the things that I do.      And secondly, because the "vacations" that she spoke of were mainly just mini getaways or day trips.  

Now, first thing is first, I make no apologies for what I do in my own time and with my own money.    But it got me thinking about how people can form an opinion of someone without truly knowing their entire story.

​All this person saw was that I take a lot of trips and spend a lot of time away from my office.    What she doesn't see is the reason why.

​She doesn't see the years that I spent as a workaholic spending nights and weekends in my office striving to meet the impossible expectations of my clients.      She doesn't see the often 60+ hour work weeks as I barely had time to stop for lunch or dinner.      She doesn't see the evenings that I missed my kids practices or events because I was at the office taking care of something "extremely important".     And she certainly doesn't see when it all came to a screeching halt as I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and almost lost my life.

​No, those are the moments that she certainly doesn't see but moments I would readily share if asked.     You see, I have been there in that dark tunnel trying to scratch my way out believing that my importance was somehow tied to the job that I kept.       I never took sick days.     My vacation days accumulated every year.         

​And for what?       So I could watch my hair start falling out because of the added stress of the job?   So I could miss out on some important moments in my kids life where they really wanted mom to be there to watch them?     So I could end up at that cemetery fighting the darkness planning how to take my own life?

​It suddenly became very clear - when faced with life or death - that none of this was worth it.     The only thing important in my life is my God and my family and everything else can follow behind.     I had to stop.      Or I would die.

​So I made a change.     As I learned more about this condition of clinical depression, I learned coping skills and one of those coping skills is knowing when to rest.     And as someone with a Type A personality, learning to rest doesn't come easily.      But I had to do it if I was going to save my life.    

​I learned very quickly that trying to take a few hours off here and there just didn't work for me because I always found something that needed to be done at home.     I needed to "go away" in order to truly find the rest.      And my trips are certainly not extravagant.     A day trip to a water park.     A weekend with my girlfriends at a cabin in the woods.    A concert with my husband.     Or a mother/daughter beach visit.   

​But each trip brings back my stability - they are my much needed "mental health days".    I have to have them and I make no excuses for them.       I still work hard but I have found a balance that keeps me sane and away from the darkness that once engulfed my life.

And just remember,  before you start to assume anything about someone - make sure you know the full story first.  I never cast judgment on anyone's life because I don't know the battle they have fought just to get where they are.    

​Love always wins, my friends.       Now off to plan my next adventure.......
​

I want to talk about this picture.      Tell me what you see.

​

I see my son, me, my daughter and my son-in-law enjoying a much needed family day with my husband (who was taking the picture) at a local water park.      We had been working hard for many days, weeks and months and this day was a time to relax and enjoy being together.     No work schedules.     No appointments.     Just a day to relax and enjoy each other's company.

​That is what I see - today.      But not too long ago, I would have seen something completely different.  

​Not too long ago,  I most likely would not have taken this picture and I certainly would not have shared it with anyone.  

​You see, not too long ago, I was overwhelmed with insecurities and self loathing that carried through to every aspect of my life.       I grew up believing that in order to have any self worth, I needed to achieve perfection or at least always "appear" to be perfect.        Growing up, love in my family was shown by what I could achieve.     If I got a good grade, I received praise.     If I won a track race, I might make my dad proud.         Love was never freely given - it was always earned.

​So I grew up believing that I needed to be perfect in order to be loved.      I was never loved unconditionally  (until I met my husband).     As a child,   I was never told that it was okay to just be me.       So I spent a large part of my adult life trying to achieve that perfection - hoping even as an adult to somehow win the love of my parents.

​I created this "persona" of who I thought I needed to be in order to be loved.     And that person had to always be perfect  (at least on the outside because the good Lord knows I was dying inside).   I would spend hours getting ready to go to even simple family events because I needed people to admire me and love me.      I yearned for other people's  approval and I thought that could only be attained if I looked and acted a certain way.          And once I started venturing onto the pageant stage, heaven forbid I show up anywhere without being dressed to the nine (whatever that means)!

​I spent years in the endless cycle of trying to be perfect while feeling so imperfect on the inside.     I needed the world to see me as strong because somehow that meant I was worth something.     And it wasn't until I almost lost my life that I finally found myself.

​You see, once I was faced with the fact that I could either stand up and overcome or lay down and die, I decided that loving myself was not such a tough thing to do after all.    I can't tell you when I finally decided that it was okay to just be me.      It has taken a long time and I still struggle with insecurities.

​Not too long ago, I would not have posed for the picture you see above and certainly would not have shared it on line.      Not too long ago, I would have only seen the messed up hair, squinted eyes and no make-up.      And not too long ago, I would have cried for days over the weight I have gained and loss of my once thin stomach.        Those are the things I would have seen - not too long ago.

​And although I would like to say that I am completely free of the insecurities that have plagued me my entire life, I can at this point only tell you that I am a work in progress and God still has His hand on me. 

​But for today - just for today - I am comfortable sharing this photo with the world not because I need affirmation of who I am but because I need affirmation that I am not who I once used to be.     

​I do not look perfect in this picture - but this picture couldn't be more perfect to me.     I have finally begun to understand that God made each of us perfectly imperfect and it's those little quirks that make us so unique.      I have big eyes but an even bigger mouth so my eyes squint when I smile.   I am German and pale skinned which means I will never be tan no matter how hard I try.      I am German (I just said that but it bears repeating) so I am curvy and no matter how hard I try, the booty isn't going anywhere.       

​I will never look like the women in the magazines and guess what?   That's okay.    That is finally okay.   I am okay if you look at this picture and think my skin is too pale, or my stomach is too flabby or my face is too round.    

​Because what I see when I look at this picture is a mom who is so proud of her children and the adults they have become.     Confident in who they are and knowing they are loved - unconditionally.   No.  Matter.  What.

​And THAT is the true brilliance of this photo.     

When I was a Senior in High School, we were given an assignment in my Creative Writing class to write a poem about what it would be like to be someone.     I wrote about what it would be like to be God.   

​In a world where people are constantly trying to put God into a box, I wanted to share what I felt was God's human side.        At that time, it seemed most preachers were all about the "fire and brimstone" but I saw so much more when I thought about my God and my Savior.     I saw love.     I saw compassion.   I saw a warm embrace.     

I am sharing this poem for the first time on the Internet.'

It is simply entitled:

​                        "WHY?"

Looking out into my world, I am taken aback
All the wars; the pain
Lives lost to others
I listen to people talk;
They blame me;
Why do they always blame me?

I watch them, oh, so closely
Trying to steer them, to guide them
But I cannot take them someplace
They are not yet ready to go

A young child dies; a woman cries out to me
"Why?  Why did you let this happen?"
I try to explain, there are reasons
The child was not yet ready to live
He had a purpose to serve elsewhere
But the woman cannot understand
She blames me
Why do they always blame me?

A man at the alter prays for help
He has fallen and asks for forgiveness
So I help him
But when he falls again
He will blame me
Why do they always blame me?

A war breaks out; lives are lost
A young woman in love pleas for help
"Why do you let this war happen?"
"Why do you make your people suffer?"

Can't they see?  Can't they understand?
I cry, when they shed tears
I hurt, when they feel pain
And I laugh, when they smile
Yet they seldom smile anymore
And they blame me

I want to tell them
Look at yourselves, see what you're doing
I can steer you and guide you
But I cannot lead your mind

Through death, you find life
Through pain, you find love
I will not let you down
I will not let you fall
But still,
You always blame me.

                       Written by Terri Karch
                        Spring 1986

Well, I just returned home from our "Spring Break" trip to Gatlinburg where just a few weeks ago, they were experiencing 70 degree weather and sunshine.

​This was our first day of the trip:

​

Yes, in true Karch Vacation Fashion - we were faced with a snow storm on our Spring Break trip and the mountains were shut down!   The entire reason my daughter wanted to go to Gatlinburg was to hike the mountains and they were shut down due to ice and snow.

​I don't know if God was testing me or someone had just ticked off Mother Nature but my mission to have a "drama free" vacation was certainly being put to the test.

​It started when we arrived at the cabin and the temperatures starting falling below freezing.    Although the cabin was beautiful - it did not have a great place for the dogs to walk and relieve themselves.  Actually it had very little flat spots at all - I mean, we WERE in the mountains.     The cabin had three levels and although it DID have a mountain view, it wasn't as unobstructed as I would have liked.    My "perfect view" of this vacation, after all, was a secluded mountain cabin right in the middle of the Smoky Mountains with mountain views all around.     What I got, however, was a cabin nestled on a mountain in a "cabin community" with other cabins sitting all around.       Remember my previous post?    My "perfect vacation" never quite plays out in reality the way it looks in my head.

​As I was sitting in the cabin on that first night contemplating my "disaster", I looked up to see my son and husband having the time of their lives playing pool in the loft.     They were oblivious to the disaster going on in my head.      They were simply having a good time.   

​And then I remembered my promise  - my promise to change my attitude and just enjoy life for what it was.     God has been working on my attitude lately and I am quite certain I have tested His patience to a great degree!

​So I chilled out - and forgot about my "expectations" and just enjoyed time with my family.    My daughter and her fiancé arrived at the cabin later that evening and when she told me how much her fiancé loved the cabin, I knew my concerns with creating the "perfect" vacation could be laid to rest.

​For the first time ever, I had made absolutely no plans except tickets to a dinner show that everyone wanted to see.     But that was it.       Every morning we got up and planned the day as we went along.    Now I won't say that was easy for me - the "PLANNER" in me wanted to create a daily schedule right down to bedtime.

​But I can tell you that for the first time ever - I felt FREEDOM!    So the weather was bad - we stayed inside and played pool and sat in the Jacuzzi tub.     So the mountain view was obstructed - we drove into the mountains and got the view first hand.     And so the dogs had no place to run - we took them to the trails for some  (cold) walks.

​Our attitude can change everything about our lives.     I understand I am only talking about a vacation but I used this example to make a greater point -  we don't always have the power to change our circumstances but we DO have the power to change our attitudes.  

​This vacation means nothing in the scheme of life but it did give me a great opportunity to change my attitude and learn to relax just a little bit.     

​I have faced some huge disasters in my lifetime - including being on the brink of financial devastation - but learning to have the right attitude in the midst of the storm can be the key to making it through.

​I remember one time when I was competing for Mrs. Illinois International, a judge asked during the Interview Portion of the competition where I saw myself in 5 years.     My answer?    "Happy".    I told her I just wanted to be happy because often times when dealing with depression happiness seems elusive.    

​Well, that Interview was over 7 years ago so it took me a little longer than I had hoped but I think I am finally learning to master this "happy" thing.       Choosing to be happy won't make the hardships go away.     We will always face burdens as long as we grace this Earth.     But having the right attitude in life can certainly help to enjoy it just a little more.

​God has a way of teaching us in ways very unique to ourselves.     He used my love of travel (and my need for perfection) to show me that life doesn't always work out the way we planned.

​And that's (perfectly) okay!

My family and I are preparing to leave this week for a family vacation to the Smoky Mountains and by all accounts I should be excited.        I AM excited to spend time with my children and husband but what doesn't excite me is the idea of a vacation.

Let me explain.

​I am a perfectionist.     I have made that known throughout my writings and although most days that serves me well - when it comes to vacations, perfectionism is NOT a great aptitude.

​You see, I love to plan trips.       I could have been a Travel Planner in another life because just the thought of taking a trip sets my wheels in motion.      I love everything about planning trips from finding just the right location to setting up events and activities to be done throughout the week.

​I OBSESS over planning vacations.      And perhaps because my vision of the trip during this planning process is always perfect, I expect the trip to be perfect as well.     

​Well, I don't know how many "perfect" family vacations you have ever taken but my count is at ZERO!   I go into each vacation with such high expectations that when things start to fall apart - I fall apart.  Literally.

​I was not raised in a very loving household and my parents disappointed me on more than one occasion.       So when I  was blessed with becoming a mom, I was certain that I would do everything within my power NOT to disappoint my children and this included providing them with some fun "family moments" throughout their lives.

​Partner this "need to please" with my perfectionism and you have a true recipe for disaster.    Throw in the whole "control freak" factor and things are really headed for a downward spiral.

​You see, what I could never allow myself to let go of was the fact that some things are out of my control.   Literally.

​The weather, for instance.    Completely out of my control.     So when I finally saved enough money to take my family on a cruise to the Bahamas and they had the COLDEST WINTER on record in 100 years - out of my control.      

​The crowd sizes at amusement parks - out of my control.      So when I take my children to Universal Studios and have a nervous breakdown because the extreme crowd sizes are affecting MY schedule - out of my control.

​Or there was the time we were visiting Nashville and my kids weren't very impressed with the town which I took personally so I dropped them and my husband at the hotel and took off.     Yeah, that one is on me.  

​Here is my point:    I am learning every day what is truly important in life and what things simply do not matter.       I am BEYOND BLESSED to be able to take my family on a vacation so the weather or crowds or even if someone likes the location or not - none of that should matter to me.     It is nothing personal.  

​Nothing personal.     Truer words were never written because throughout my life I have had a tendency to take most things  (okay - EVERYTHING) personally.        I have spent my life being a people pleaser and needed the approval of those around me in order to thrive.    

​It has taken me 48 years to figure it out but I finally get it.      This trip is not about being perfect - it's about spending time with my family and feeling the love we share.        Will the weather be bad?   Probably.       Will we fight crowds at the attractions?   Most likely.      But I can't control those things.

​What I CAN control is my attitude.    And I am choosing to enjoy this time and finally have a family vacation free of a mental break-down.         I finally get it - I finally understand.      There are so many things outside of my control and that is okay.      But controlling my attitude is the key to the family vacation I have been searching for.

​My family doesn't need the perfect vacation - they just need me.     And my attempt to make the vacation "perfect" was actually ruining it for them. 

​So I have promised my family and myself that this time - finally - it will be different.    No expectations.    No plans.     Just time spent with the family - drama free.

​Check back next week for an update and see if I was able to make it happen!



​

Okay guys.        Let's get honest here.     What is the deal with the whole "selfie" thing?

​Call me old fashioned (or just plain old) but I just don't get it.      What is it about our culture that has us so self absorbed that we want to spend hours every day taking photos......of ourselves??

​I hate selfies.    I don't take them.        Let me explain why:

​I have spent many, many (many) years of my life hating who I am - always being a people pleaser - valuing my  own self worth by how other people valued me.       It always mattered to me what other people thought of me so I tried very hard to be that "perfect" person.     

​I craved the love and affection of other people and always felt the need to fit in.     I wanted approval from friends and family.    I needed people to like me.  If someone didn't like me, I would spend hours trying to figure out what was wrong with me  and figuring out ways to make them like me.

Perhaps because I was never told I Love You as a child nor given that unconditional love that most parents give their children.     Whatever the reason, I remained extremely insecure as a child and most of my adult years.

​It has only been in recent years that I have started to grow comfortable in my own skin and the freedom from that "approval addiction" has literally changed my life.     But I had to change.    I didn't have a choice.    I was dying inside and I needed to make a change - and fast.  Oh, I am still insecure.     I still want people to like me.     But now if they don't, I only spend a few minutes instead of a few hours trying to figure it out.

​Which brings us back to the whole "selfie" epidemic.       I took "selfies" - once upon a time (I'm really sounding old tonight aren't I?)      I would only take "selfies" when I was looking my best - with the best lighting - and no double chins.     Then I would post the pictures on Social Media and wait for the comments to start rolling in.     My entire self worth was now linked to how many "likes" my picture got on Facebook.      Oh it was quite gratifying to see comments from friends about how "pretty" I was and it certainly padded the ego to see so many "likes" on one picture.       But that gratification was shallow and could never fill up that true emptiness that I felt inside.

So I stopped.     I stopped posting "Selfies" because I needed to love myself for who I was - the good, the bad and the ugly.     And I needed to stop placing my value and self worth in the opinions of other people.

​It has taken me 48 years to finally love myself for just me.      As a child, I was never told that I was okay to just be myself.      Love was never freely given in our household - it was always earned.    I have never known unconditional love from a parent so my insecurities have run deep for many years.

But now, the only "selfies" I take are ones with friends and families (guess that's not really "self" though is it?)     I love myself.     I love who I am and the woman I have become.    

If "selfies" are fun for you by all means keep taking them!   But please don't place your value in the opinions of other people.     

​God created you perfectly imperfect and He doesn't make mistakes!