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My Story - My Life

This is a place for me to share my story.
Open.   Honest.    Not politically correct.
I am a Christian.   I will talk about God.

Who Will Speak for the Innocent?

5/19/2019

2 Comments

 
The abortion debate is not an easy topic to discuss because there is passion for the issue on both sides of the aisle.     I am not here to debate.    I am not here to judge.   I am simply here to share my thoughts and opinions on the subject.     I just want you to understand why I believe the way I do.

Everyone wants their voice to be heard when it comes to this subject but who will speak for the innocent?   You see,  I believe that life begins at conception and because of that, the very act of abortion becomes an issue of morality.       We have our choices to make as viable adults.    But what choice does that beautiful baby have in the decision to live or die?

I believe our choice as humans must come in the form of compassion.     Those lacking compassion will try to make you believe that those tiny little cells coming together in the most perfect and intricate ways are simply jumbled masses of matter that mean nothing in the pathway to life.    But nothing could be further from the truth.      We know from scientific evidence that babies begin forming in the womb very early on and can even sense and respond to things outside of the womb.        

Now let me speak directly to the women reading this because I know what some of you are saying right now.    But Terri, it's my body.    It's my choice.      No one has a right to tell me what I can or cannot do with my body.

Hey, I get it.    I really do.     Because I felt exactly the same way. 

I was raised to be a strong, independent woman and with that independence also came a little bit of arrogance.    I believed, as I still do, that men and women should be treated equally and given the same opportunities for success.   I also believed that, as a woman, no man (or woman) had any right to tell me what I could do with my own body.      

In fact,  I was so passionate about the subject that I wrote an article about a woman's right to choose that was published in my High School Newspaper.       I remember writing at the time that we lived in a country where choice was our freedom and to impose your belief's on someone else would be a direct violation of our given freedoms.      I was passionate.     I gave every argument for the right to choose and wrote eloquently and efficiently why we needed the government to stay out of our reproductive rights.    (Sound familiar?   Keep in mind - this was back in the late 1980's).  

I held that belief for many years after high school and even into my mid-twenties.   

And then - something changed.      Something drastically changed.

At the age of 25, after 5 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to start a family.     So I stopped taking the Pill (you know, that one way to PREVENT pregnancy) and waited for the news of my pregnancy.   And waited.    And waited.     

We waited for months but the news of a pregnancy never came.     I think I cornered the market on pregnancy tests during that time as we anxiously waited for that precious life to begin.    But months went by and still nothing.      Almost a year had passed when my doctor finally prescribed fertility drugs to "speed the process along".       And then it happened, we finally received a positive result on that little stick!     And that precious life began growing inside of me.

We had an ultrasound at 19 weeks and I remember seeing my baby girls little arms and legs and watching her perfect little heart beat.     She was a beautiful human being and I was so in love with her already.        My entire pregnancy was filled with new experiences and so much raw emotion as I watched this tiny human begin to  grow and thrive until she was finally ready to make her appearance into this world.      And she was perfect.      And all I could remember on that day was she was going to do great things in her lifetime and I had a small part in that  (well, my husband helped too, I guess).  

I think it was in that moment that it truly hit me.     THIS was what choice was about for me    As a woman, as a human being, I had a choice in this beautiful child's life and I could now watch her conquer the world.

Less than two years later, we would make the decision to add to our family and it was in that moment that I would experience the great loss of a child when I suffered a miscarriage with our second baby.  Although I only shared my body with that baby for less than 12 weeks, the pain was no less real.    I had already bonded with that little one and started dreaming of my daughter being a big sister and wondering if this baby would look like her.    There was a heartbeat.    There was a baby.    And now there was nothing.       Except a void in my heart.

God was good to us as He always is and blessed us with our amazing baby boy just a few months later and so our family was complete.       He was perfect.    And again, my husband and I had accomplished a miracle in this precious baby boy.    (And by the way, he looked exactly like his sister).

And so my thoughts and ideals began to change     I began to feel empowered.      Who else on this planet can create a Human Baby inside their body and nurture that child until he or she is ready to make their appearance?    What an amazing accomplishment!     We are women,  hear us roar!

I think too many times in the argument for or against abortion, the one part that gets forgotten is that beautiful little baby just waiting to see the world.      

Look - I understand the Pro-Choice argument.    I lived it for many years.     And I firmly believe that more needs to be done to provide affordable contraceptives so the choice can come earlier not later.       But I will also ask you to research completely Planned Parenthood and ask yourself why they so strongly push abortion over prevention?     Follow the money trail.     Do your own homework so you can make your own decision.        Seek out the facts.   

For me, the decision was easy.     One look at that ultrasound; one moment to see that little hand move.  There was life displayed on that computer monitor.    A beautiful, tiny, miraculous life waiting to take on the world.

Who are we to deny that life?    
        
2 Comments

It's Okay to Not Be Okay

5/6/2019

0 Comments

 
I woke up today feeling just "blah".      No reason for it.     Although it was a little cloudy in my hometown, the sun was peeking through the clouds and at least it wasn't raining.      I certainly enjoyed seeing the sun     It has been a while for us as our area recovers from a very wet spring.

I stepped outside this morning onto the back deck and allowed the sun to warm my skin.    Vitamin D is good for the soul.     I guess I was hoping it would be a good cure for my melancholy mood.    It was not.

I began to ponder all the reasons why I was in this funky mood and could gather absolutely no reason that made sense to be in this funk.     

I was just not okay.      

I tried to get my mind off of myself for a while so I began scrolling through social media.    Well, that was a mistake!    Let me tell you - the worst thing you can do when you are feeling bad about yourself is to scroll through social media!     All the perfect people posting the perfect pictures of their perfect lives.   Ugh.    Enough to make me wanna puke.    Nobody's life is that perfect.

Wait?    What did I just say?    Nobody's life is that perfect.      And that's when it hit me.     No matter what you see or read on the news or online - nobody's life is perfect.

Sometimes life just sucks and it's okay not to be happy about it.

I get it.     We need to have a positive attitude about life and yes, that is very important.   In fact, a positive attitude can help completely change your circumstances.     But that is not what I am talking about here.

I am talking about the constant struggle to appear "okay" or in control of it all.     The incessant desire to appear in control and on top of it all.         I have that need.    I have that desire.    I am my father's daughter after all.      He raised me to be a strong, independent woman who took the bull by the horn's and was always in control.

Teaching your children to be strong and independent is great.     But teaching them how to ask for help is an even greater gift.           Show them how to stay in tune with their emotions and you've gifted them for life.   

You see, part of learning to understand my brain is knowing when to ask for help and when to relinquish control.          I felt so out of control and betrayed by things that happened in my childhood that keeping control of - well - everything - was my coping tool.        I needed to be strong and in control and I needed to always be okay.     To not be okay meant I was weak and there was no room for weakness in my world.    
So I learned to smile and wave and hide the true emotions lurking behind those teeth (I have a really huge smile).      But trying to hide the pain was exhausting and only made me fall deeper into that hole of continuing darkness.

And then, little by little, God chipped away at me and I began to realize that sometimes I am just not okay.     And that is okay.

Sometimes life just comes at you and it takes your breath away.      You try to smile and you try to be happy but sometimes it takes too much energy and so you just hide away.       But I am telling you that you do not have to hide away.     It's okay to not be okay.         

Stop trying to fit the mold that somebody else created.     That wasn't your mold anyway.     Understand that life isn't perfect and sometimes stuff just happens.        It's okay to take a breath for a moment and recover.     But then keep on fighting!

Give yourself permission to be human and let God do the rest!      




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    I hope you enjoy my ramblings about life.  I promise to always be honest.    No pride here.

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