After an exhausting 4 months, we placed the house on the market in mid-April and ONE MONTH LATER received a CASH OFFER! We had inspections to complete but closing was set for July 15, 2015. Needless to say, my life since May has been crazy busy! We began selling everything we owned because we moved from a 3900 sq foot house into a 1200 sq ft mobile home that we are renting until we can find land and build a small home again. So my life has been filled with selling, throwing away, giving away, moving to storage and moving to the rental - can you say chaos?
My husband is a builder so we will obviously build again because it is the most cost effective thing for us to do but for now we will live in the rental home until we can find the land we want to call home.
I have always prided myself on being a strong, independent woman but change sometimes scares me and this was a lot of change - all at once! I must admit to you that after the move was finalized and we were settled into our rental house, I fell into a bit of a "funk". Even if you do not have depression, I think most of us can empathize with that feeling - nothing is actually wrong but you just don't feel right. That was my mood for at least two weeks and it took everything I had to fight my way out of it.
I don't know if it was the change of moving or the pure exhaustion (or both) but my mind became muddled and I found myself in that dark place again struggling to find the light. In the 7 or 8 years since my initial diagnosis, I have made it my mission to find my trigger points and signs and learn to deal with them as quickly as possible. I knew I was falling this time - I could feel it but I wanted to do nothing more than sleep and hide away. My inner self was crying out to fight it but my mind and body simply did not have the energy to do so.
I wish I could tell you there was a magic formula to help me get out of the funk but there was not. I shared my personal battle with my husband and simply asked for his support and love to see me through it. You see, there was nothing he could do to "fix it" and I didn't need him to anyway. If this was going to be fixed, it would take everything I had within me to fight through the darkness and find the light.
Again, this may be hard to understand but there was absolutely nothing seriously wrong in my life yet I felt complete and total devastation with every moment of the day. I had to find my inner peace and I had to find it fast. So I began to pray. And sing. And worship. And I rested. My body was obviously completely exhausted and needed to rest and reset. In the busyness of life, I had stopped exercising. Stopped eating right. And I had stopped taking my medicine.
It did not take long for me to realize what I needed to do to make a change. But the most positive change I made was in my attitude. I made a point to realize that my happiness was my responsibility and mine alone. It was not my husbands responsibility to make me happy nor my children's. My happiness was completely on me.
So that is what I did - I made a conscious decision to just be happy and it helped. Now please understand that I am in no way undermining depression or mental illness. Most need medicine to control it and I am that person as well. But changing my attitude made a huge change in my daily life. I am now taking my medicine again. And starting to exercise. And trying to eat right (although the hardest for me because I love to eat).
My point to this blog post is we all at one time or another will fall into a "funk" and that is perfectly normal. It is how long we choose to linger there that is the issue.
I choose to be happy. And I choose to fight. We've come too far! Don't give up now!