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My Story - My Life

This is a place for me to share my story.
Open.   Honest.    Not politically correct.
I am a Christian.   I will talk about God.

But Then....Push Forward

3/30/2020

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As I type this, our state of Illinois is going into week 2 of our "Shelter in Place" order while the President has issued a continued partial shut down and social distancing until at least April 30.

Disney has closed.    Hotels are closing.    Las Vegas has shut down.    Even churches are being forced to close.     It is all like a bad dream and I am trying to wake up.

I have struggled with what to write about this entire situation because, honestly, I just don't know how I feel right now.       My emotions are all over the place.

I felt anger.   Sadness.    And grief.     

But then I became convicted by my own selfishness.

You see, my anger was because just when the economy was thriving and my small business was starting to boom, the entire country was shut down and the future became suddenly unclear.

My sadness was because I had to cancel my upcoming trips to New York and Disneyworld.   In fact, I cancelled every trip planned for this year.

And my grief was because I was looking at a future full of change and I don't adapt to change very well.

Every Single Emotion was about me.    

And suddenly, I became convicted.  

This crisis is not about me and my small little world.     It affects us all.       And it is bigger than all of us.

I had to turn off the news and stop looking at Social Media because the hopelessness displayed was too much for my brain to handle.    

The situation may seem hopeless but we are never without hope!

It is okay to be sad.     We will even experience signs of grief as we make our way through this new sense of normal.     It is even okay to be selfish - for just a moment - as you work through the emotions.

Take a moment to cry.     Scream.    Whatever you need to do.      

BUT THEN...…. PUSH FORWARD!    

This entire situation has reset my brain.    And for good.    

I was spending my days always concentrating on tomorrow and what the future held while forgetting to just simply enjoy today.      We are not promised tomorrow so wasting even one moment of today is like throwing your blessings away.

I have been running down the same crazy pathway claiming to be so "busy" with all my busy work and forgetting about the things that are truly important.

I pray daily for a healing for our country and for a quick vaccine for this illness that has contributed to so many deaths across the world.      We may never know the real numbers of those affected by this disease but now is not the time to be pointing fingers or picking fights.

For whatever reason, we are being forced to take a break and reset our lives.    I don't know the reason why.    Maybe God - like any loving parent - is giving us a time out until we can learn to behave.   

We now have two choices to make.      We either become better or we become worse.      I pray it is not the latter.

It took a few weeks of being in mourning and feeling completely sorry for myself but now I get it.    I don't know what God is trying to tell you but for me, it was WAKE UP.     Stop being selfish!!    And start living your life!

I thought I was living my life.    But I wasn't.    I was always planning for the future without ever truly stopping to enjoy each moment that was presented to me during the day.      

I love to travel.    It is the entire reason I work so many hours.   But I cancelled every single trip I had planned for this year and I thought I would be sad.      And I guess I was in the beginning.

But faced with my own mortality, I realized just how non-important those trips really were.     And, if I am being honest, how truly non-important most of my "busy" work truly was.

Our country is facing a crisis like we have not seen for many generations but we are strong and resilient and we will prevail!

I just wanted to share my own very raw emotions because during these uncertain times, you need to understand now more than ever that you are not alone!

It is okay to not be okay.      We are in this together!   We will make it through!    

Sometimes you just need to shut off the noise of the world and listen to that still small voice!
   

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    I hope you enjoy my ramblings about life.  I promise to always be honest.    No pride here.

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