And it scares me to death.
Yes. I am afraid of change. Which is actually funny if you think about it because I am constantly changing my job, my appearance and even my residence (moved 20 times in almost 30 years).
2017 was a year of change - to say the least. It started with the death of my grandmother in February - a woman I treasured and a woman who understood me at my core. She was 93 years old when she passed away and lived a wonderful life. Her death was not unexpected but still heartbreaking just the same. She lived over 8 hours away but we spoke several times a month and I was able to visit often during the last few years of her life. I will write about this wonderful woman and her impact on my life in another blog because right now - we need to get back to discussing change (ugh).
In June my oldest child and only daughter got married. The wedding was perfect and she made the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. I was honored when she asked both me and her father to walk her down the aisle. I spent most of the first half of 2017 helping to plan the wedding and then it was over in the blink of an eye. And they were on their way to Hawaii for their Honeymoon.
The last half of 2017 brought an adjustment period for me. Even though my daughter had been living away from home for several years, it just felt different now that she no longer shared my last name. She still needed me but not in the same way. She and her new husband are simply perfect together and their ambitions make a mamma proud.
Then -in the middle of this life adjustment, we decided to get our house ready to sell and downsize. Now considering that we have literally moved 20 times in our almost 30 years of marriage, you would think this move would not affect me. You would be wrong.
Perhaps it is the uncertainty of where we will be moving or for that matter, what we are even moving into (yes, we have tossed around the idea of an RV) but this change too is having an affect on my psyche. Oh, I am excited to sell the house and downsize because, well, you know, less housework but I would be happier to know exactly where we were going and what we are doing.
But maybe that is the point. Maybe my incessant need to know everything that is going on in my life at all times (and Control it) is the very reason I need these changes. I have always been a bit of a free spirit which is funny since, as we have learned - I don't like change.
There were several days (possibly weeks) during the fall of last year that I just didn't feel like I was adjusting to this thing called life. My kids were growing up. I wasn't needed the way I used to be and the one woman I could call on for love and support had gone to be with Jesus. I must admit that I spent more than a few days feeling quite isolated and alone. Even though I knew I wasn't.
Now as 2018 is upon us, the changes are still coming strong! My daughter and her husband have moved to St Louis to pursue their careers; I moved to a new Real Estate office and our house is going on the market next month. All this change and it's only January!
I guess my point to all this rambling is this - change is imminent but it doesn't have to be scary. There will always be new challenges to face and new hurdles to jump over but isn't that the best part about living anyway?
I am just going to finally embrace that free spirited Gypsy who can't stay in one place for too long and say to life: HERE I AM! BRING IT ON!!