All I ever wanted to be was a mom.
More important than any other career aspiration in my life - the one thing I knew for sure is that I wanted to become a mom.
I loved everything about being a mom.
I loved being pregnant.
I loved nursing my babies.
I loved watching them grow and experience life through excited eyes.
I wanted to give my children everything that I did not receive as a child.
Unconditional love.
Neverending support.
And a safe environment to grow and prosper.
Was I a perfect mom?
Goodness no.
But none of us are - we do the best we can with each moment that is presented to us.
My dad passed away in 2004 at the tender age of 60 and I was thrown into a deep depression.
My undiagnosed mental health condition caused some chaos in my life and the life of my husband and children.
There were some shaky moments during a three year period before my diagnosis.
I struggled. I screamed. I cried.
But I always showed up for my children.
Because the most important thing in my life has always been to show up for my babies.
It was only by the Grace of God that I was able to come through.
I was there at every event - every school function - every sporting event.
I missed nothing.
My children knew they were loved and supported.
Always.
Were those years tough?
Absolutely.
I will never deny the stress I caused my children during that time when I was dealing with the death of my father and an undiagnosed mental health condition.
And I have apologized to both of my children - on numerous occasions - for the pain I caused them during that time.
If I could change those moments - I would.
In a heartbeat.
But I can't.
I can only continue to love my children unconditionally and be that unfaltering support when they need it.
Unconditional love is something I never learned from my parents.
I had a childhood that lacked support, love and protection.
But I am not living in my childhood anymore.
I have forgiven my mom for the things from the past and base our relationship now on how she reacts to me as an adult.
Now as the mom to two absolutely amazing ADULT human beings - I find myself navigating this "momhood" in so many different ways.
I still want to protect my daughter and son but I know they need to make their own mistakes.
It's how we learn.
It's how we grow.
But honestly there are times when I just want to wrap my arms around both of them and hide them from the world. Protect them - shield them.
I think I will always be that way.
My daughter just turned 30 and my son turned 28 but I will always call them my babies.
Because being a mom is all I ever wanted to be.
And it is the greatest accomplishment in my life!
So happy (very belated) Mother's Day to all the women who are the protectors, the fighters and the lovers.
You are seen.
You are loved.
And your job is the most important job in the entire world!
More important than any other career aspiration in my life - the one thing I knew for sure is that I wanted to become a mom.
I loved everything about being a mom.
I loved being pregnant.
I loved nursing my babies.
I loved watching them grow and experience life through excited eyes.
I wanted to give my children everything that I did not receive as a child.
Unconditional love.
Neverending support.
And a safe environment to grow and prosper.
Was I a perfect mom?
Goodness no.
But none of us are - we do the best we can with each moment that is presented to us.
My dad passed away in 2004 at the tender age of 60 and I was thrown into a deep depression.
My undiagnosed mental health condition caused some chaos in my life and the life of my husband and children.
There were some shaky moments during a three year period before my diagnosis.
I struggled. I screamed. I cried.
But I always showed up for my children.
Because the most important thing in my life has always been to show up for my babies.
It was only by the Grace of God that I was able to come through.
I was there at every event - every school function - every sporting event.
I missed nothing.
My children knew they were loved and supported.
Always.
Were those years tough?
Absolutely.
I will never deny the stress I caused my children during that time when I was dealing with the death of my father and an undiagnosed mental health condition.
And I have apologized to both of my children - on numerous occasions - for the pain I caused them during that time.
If I could change those moments - I would.
In a heartbeat.
But I can't.
I can only continue to love my children unconditionally and be that unfaltering support when they need it.
Unconditional love is something I never learned from my parents.
I had a childhood that lacked support, love and protection.
But I am not living in my childhood anymore.
I have forgiven my mom for the things from the past and base our relationship now on how she reacts to me as an adult.
Now as the mom to two absolutely amazing ADULT human beings - I find myself navigating this "momhood" in so many different ways.
I still want to protect my daughter and son but I know they need to make their own mistakes.
It's how we learn.
It's how we grow.
But honestly there are times when I just want to wrap my arms around both of them and hide them from the world. Protect them - shield them.
I think I will always be that way.
My daughter just turned 30 and my son turned 28 but I will always call them my babies.
Because being a mom is all I ever wanted to be.
And it is the greatest accomplishment in my life!
So happy (very belated) Mother's Day to all the women who are the protectors, the fighters and the lovers.
You are seen.
You are loved.
And your job is the most important job in the entire world!
RSS Feed
